Thursday, December 11, 2008

How far is too far?

I'm asking only because I have this neat little certificate thinger that the Dean at ITT gave to me. I made the Honors List this last quarter because of my grades. Not many of us made that, FYI. Knowing I passed my classes and knowing I got a great GPA is one thing, having physical proof that my teachers noticed, that the DEAN noticed... I want to frame that cute certificate in a pretty frame, admire it for a moment and then mash my dad's face in it. Not litterally. Well... kinda... but more like figuratively. I'd like to see him at our families Christmas get together, whenever that is, and have that certificate handy so I can pull it out and say "Oh boy! Whatever could this be? Honors?! ME?!" and then look pointedly at my dad and wait for that millisecond when his face drops in shocked disbelief and hopefully get a picture of it. Who was it who told me I couldn't pull off 'Sariah grades'? Who was it who sat in front of a complete stranger and asked me why I was even bothering with college? Who was it who has never really expected me to make anything of myself? Oh yeah, that'd be dad. I don't want to completely break him with this one yet though. My goal is to continue to stay on the Honors list and hopefully, by the end of my schooling, when I graduate and get that pretty little certificate that says I WIN, all of those good grades will have completely broken every misconception he ever had of me. He won't know what to think of me then, then he'll be FORCED to actually look at me and see me for who and what I am. He wont be able to brush me aside and tell me I'll never go anywhere because I'll have made it further than him by then. Because with that last super sweet certificate I have so many more doors open for me than he ever hoped to see open for him. He can't ignor me then.

That makes it sound like I'm doing this to get even with him or something like that, but that's not it at all. That's just a super awesome bonus for me. No, this schooling, all of this hard work, every penny I'm putting into this? This is for me. This is for every opporotunity I never got to take when I was younger cause I didn't focus on me. This is for every dream I abandoned to take care of what needed to be taken care of. This is for me and no one else. I want this and I'm going to get it, one way or another. I don't need him to believe in me, I never have. Would it have been nice? Yeah. Would it have helped? Probably. Do I absolutely need it? No, and I never will. My mom is proud of me, and really truely and honestly, that's all I ever wanted or needed.

Perhaps before I frame that certificate I'll let it sit on the fridge for a bit so I can look at it every morning and smile. This whole being proud of me thing? I'm kinda liking it. Go me go!


Hetzlers said...

This is Tim. you go girl.

Brown Family said...

I love you Maranda. I am sure Dad will be very proud of you!You should tell him! It's not every day one of us other kids can tell him that we "rock" in Math!! :)